Review: Alias - Legacy
Can they rescue The Passenger in time?
It's all got out of hand, really. We've only just met Syd's long lost sister, and she's already being tortured horribly by her father, Yet Again Evil Sloane.
The Rambaldi Revelation Of The Week is rather spiffing: Nadia's genetically-encoded to write magic eye pictures. Wonder if with enough juice she'd scribble me up a quick "Man Hugging Baby"?
Of course, we don't really dwell on this interesting revelation at all. That would be silly. Instead more torture, guns, explosions and things being stolen at speed.
To ensure our mind is completely taken off our worries, Katya (IsabElla Rosselini) is back - she now appears to be some kind of Russian General. I hope they're planning something really clever with her character. Otherwise her entire reason for defecting appears to be to eat Jack Bristow alive.
Joy of joys, the Tooth Fairy is back - TV's most sinister dentist gets tortured by Vaughn in a really awkward scene. It's great to have the dental demon back, but it's really uncomfortable seeing him suddenly a weak character. Vaughn burning him with acid is so odd - it's a demonstration of how occasionally prudish the show gets when it's trying to make a heavy moral point.
One nice thing about the whole sorry mess: Sark's hair is growing back nicely.
Meanwhile, a fabulous letter:
Dear Mr Rambaldi
Well done on your latest invention. It's terribly impressive. Syd and her friends can now track anyone's brainwaves from space using what appears to be an old kit for pressing flowers. Ooh.
I remember how in Season One it was lovely when it would appear that a mystical scroll contained binary, or a picture of someone who looked just like Syd. If you squinted. Back in those days you appeared to be both cunning and a little bit believable - what with all your clever prophecies and interesting inventions. We all wanted to meet you.
However, it all started to get silly. Remember - the invention which made a large amount of water into a big red ball? Nice, but terribly impractical. Since then, we've been to your arctic bases, your desert hideouts, and seen all sorts of inventions which can do Very Clever Things (but which are immediately forgotten about).
Has the heavy water ball turned up again? Er, no. What about The Fiendish, Apocalyptic The Telling? Did it make all that noise and really just print out the word Peace? Er, yes. Seemingly so.
Howabout the plan to recreate your own self by implanting your boy juice in Sydney's womb? And why not pick her sister instead? Or is it all abandoned?
What's it all for? Is it all building up to something, or are you just the Renaissance version of the Innovations Catalogue?
By Season Seven, will Syd and Sark be hunting for really good corkscrews and slippers with built in vacuum-cleaners?
Love, BBC Cult